On Losing Friends

On Losing Friends

There has been an incredibly distinct divide in my friend group: Those who stuck around for the hard times, the beginning of the healing journey; who listened to the boundaries as I bumbled around learning to set them, did the best they could to respect them (even if they didn’t understand them) and apologized if they messed up (because everyone makes mistakes).

And, the friends who… didn’t.

Thankfully, every mentor, leader, successful business owner, and growth mindset expert that I follow talks about this exact abyss. Where the friends who were once in your circle would just fall away when you started to get your shit together and really grow. (Although on a recent podcast the host and I laughed about how it doesn’t always feel like ‘falling away’, it is most often filled with a whole lot of drama.)

Yet even having been primed for this potential reality, I truly did not believe this would happen in my long-term friend group. I had been with these smart women through all of their trials [insert every hard thing an adult woman can experience that may need a trigger warning here]...for 15+ years. I wholeheartedly and unquestioningly believed that we would be together for life.

But, alas, the day came that I could not force one more drink down my throat in order to tolerate misogyny from the husbands and other bad behavior; that day that I just… went to bed early instead of being the maniacal life of the party.

This one admittedly awkward yet seemingly inconsequential action that would in fact initiate a domino effect and eventually lead to losing all of these women.

This has been one of the most painful things I have ever experienced (and I’d place bets that I have experienced more tough bits than the average bear).

I continue to grieve this loss AND at the same time absolutely celebrate the friends who stuck it out with me, which included new pals and collaborators who I barely knew.

If you have had a similar shift in your circle, I want you to know that I see you. I’m sorry. Damn it, it hurts.

And: There are other circles, other people, that WILL stick with you, and you CAN find them.

Because aligned and meaningful relationships don’t require you to keep buffering to stay in the pack.