Into the Rainy Dark: On Taking Chances and Finding Community

It’s early November, the day after daylight savings ends, and I have been invited to a new gathering of women. A monthly book club! But I’m told: it’s fine if you haven’t read the book. In fact, it’s hardly about the book at all. 

I was invited by the husband of the host, whom I met at a volunteer restoration planting. But he won’t be there… it’s a lady thing and he will be at work. His wife sends me a text the day with all the details, and I marvel at the trust and warmth this couple has, to invite strangers over on behalf of the other. 

So this means that I haven’t met any of these women, and it also means that I have to drive forty minutes on a Monday night, through a windy canyon into the woods in the rainy dark at 6pm, which, with the time change, all the sudden feels like midnight. 

Do I want to go, as the time inches closer, and my couch beckons?

Not really. 

But do I want to meet this new group of mystery women? Possibly make some new pals and attend a gathering that I don’t have to put together myself, send invites for, cook for, host? 

Yes, yes I do. 

I arrive and I get uncharacteristically nervous before I go in. Because… I’m going into someone’s house to meet a group of randos! Sheesh, what if they suck? What if they hate me? What if they, erm, have different political views and we all sit around awkwardly talking about their husbands and kids and try to avoid talking about politics, just waiting out the clock till the night is over? Even with my desire to connect with people who are different from me, this does not sound like my idea of a great night. 

But no. These are super cool women and there are lots of dogs and a mega cozy farmhouse that reminds me of Lopez Island because it turns out the host grew up there. One of the women had just gone as a trad wife for Halloween, but also with trad climbing gear. Hilarious! One of the women is training her 15th guide dog puppy. Two of them work for non-profits; the host owns her own landscaping business and looks strong AF. One leads global epidemiology research. 

These women care about being outdoors, about health and using their brains, about friendship; about COMMUNITY. 

No one really seems to give a shit about having kids, but they politely tolerate my nattering and distress around the pressure and dominant cultural narratives once you inch up to and surpass 40. (One of them kindly said “Oh… you’re really going through it…”)

There is venison chili (from a deer that, of course, they got themselves) with a great salad, and laughs, and chocolate, and tea, and some talking about the book, but mostly talking about life. 

I get a lot of dog pets in, and bask in the wholesomeness of this night, and think for the millionth time how glad I am to be woman-identifying, where deep communal gathering feels important and natural, and something that we’re willing to go out on a limb to create. 

This group has built a beautiful rotating monthly gathering; they call each other ‘fam’ and watch each other’s dogs, and easily and happily invite other women in. I was over the moon to be added to the WhatsApp group (I’m IN!) and can’t wait to meet the rest of them. 

Sometimes when you take a chance on meeting new people, it goes comically haywire. (Anyone who has ever been on dating apps can testify to this, with outcomes varying from funny and weird to downright scary.) 

But, sometimes, something magical happens. Community happens. And that’s worth taking a chance on.